The Sonship Short Series Part 2: From Sperm Donor To True Dad: Choosing The Model That Shapes A Life

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Chapters

• 0:29 Father Son Relationship Discussion
• 7:48 The Definition and Role of Fatherhood
• 29:10 The Model of Fatherhood and God

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:29

Welcome back to the all-purpose pod for an all-purpose life. Wherever you are and however you are listening to the Call Me Mr. You the podcast, we thank you once again for making us a part of your morning, your day, and your week with your weekly mirror check before you change the world. Thank you for following us on our social media platforms. Of course, you can follow us on YouTube where you can see full-length episodes of our show. Please subscribe there on our YouTube channel at the Call Me Mr. You. Just hit the little white subscribe button. Helps us out greatly. And if you're an audio listener, of course, Spotify, iHotRadio, Pandora, and of course Apple Podcasts, where you can subscribe to our podcast and hear us, whether you're doing the laundry, jogging, at work in your cubicle, or whatever you do, where you're listening to our show. We thank you very much for doing all that you do, all the financial support, all the support on every area of our social media platforms and all that you're doing. We thank you so much for continuing to do that and being so faithful. Hopefully, you've been enjoying the content we've been putting out. There's been a lot of changes, a lot of growth for us, a lot of positive things happening, and some more great news to come to be announced at a time soon to come. We're really excited about how we're growing, and you guys are a big part of that. You guys are part of the family, and we definitely cherish you being that. I know that people are hearing us literally around the world. Uh, but I'm grateful for the ones that I can see personally that are experiencing massive life changes because of some of the things that are being downloaded coming from out of this show and out of this brand of podcast. So we just thank you very much for all the areas where we're helping you and we're supporting you and we're encouraging you through some things, and of course, you're doing the same for us. So we thank you for all of the stories and testimonials and just flat out for all the support. So we're definitely grateful for that. Uh, in case you haven't been paying attention, we are in a series now called Father, Son, and You. Uh, we're talking about fatherhood and sonship and what that means in practical terms and our role in this entire thing. The personal development piece is always a big part of most of the shows that we do through our brand of podcasting, uh, through our podcast brand. But honestly, there is definitely some attention to detail that we can take, whether we're a father or son or not, we can take a lot more attention to detail. And hopefully the series is gonna help you guys do that. The first one, the first episode was a banger. If you don't mind me saying that, it doesn't sound self-aggrandizing. Incredible, incredible episode. It definitely uh brings some things to light and makes you think, and you know what? We could always use that. Honestly. Uh before I get into the episode, I want to just run a thought by you guys because it's something that it bugs me, and I don't really understand it, but I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts on this. And maybe this is connected to our show in ways that I didn't realize. But say, for instance, you're on a road, right? Somebody is in your left in the left lane, and you're in the right lane, and that person that's riding in the left lane wants to get in the right lane so they can get off at an exit or turn off onto a road or whatever. Nobody behind me in the right lane. But their decision is to rather than get behind me when there's nobody there, and then just get to their destination safely without any kind of peril, they speed up and cut in front of you to get off at the exit to make you slow down so they can get off and make their turn when you didn't have to, and you are thrown into a panic unnecessarily when they could have just got behind you. Little pet peeve, want to get it off my chest, hear from you guys. Does anybody understand that? Does anybody out there do that? Why do you do that? Just love to hear your thoughts. Just a little bit of a levity there before we start our episode and continue our series on Father, Son, and you, but share your thoughts and comments on our social media platforms where you see the posting for this episode. Love to hear that. Why do you get speed up and get in front of somebody when you get behind them and there's no hindrances in doing so? Why do you choose that option as opposed to the safer, simpler option? Just curious about that. Love to hear your thoughts. If you've seen it happen to you, love to hear that too. Explain how you feel about it when it happens to you. And if you're doing this to somebody, why are you doing that? Love to hear your thoughts on that one. Just something uh something funny to think about. But the series is father, son, and you. We've been talking about sonship and fatherhood and what it means to even to be a man in America and just what we deal with, and the pressures and the obligations that come with a lot of what you know we're tasked with being. We talked last episode about being a priest, a prophet, and the king and the challenges that come with that. What does that actually mean? Why are those words so big for us that it becomes almost a mountain in our life? Why is that so challenging? Uh, we talked about that last episode. I'm gonna get into this a little bit more, but let's just get down to brass text. What is a father? I know that you know, fathers and sons have complicated relationships, especially in our time. So sometimes your answers could be clouded by what you see, whether it's played out in the media or on fictional television and movies and cinema, or just things that you've seen in the neighborhood or in the lives of some of your friends and co-workers and associates and what have you, church mates, etc. What is a father? Now, if you go by the definition in a dictionary, sad to say, but most some dictionaries will go a little deeper. But most dictionaries will give you two examples. Either one, someone that just positionally in a relationship in their house, someone that's in a certain position in their house, or somebody that's just a sperm donor. That's how the dictionary defines a father. Somebody who fathers a child, or somebody who's positionally in a role in their household. That's the definition. Now, if you're using that, we just call that the worldly definition of a father. We don't want to use that in any way, shape, or form because if that's the premise, anybody could be a father. Excuse me. Anybody can do that. It doesn't require much to stand in that position. Because we've seen that before played out also in cinema and on television. People who are in that role positionally, but they don't bring anything to the table. Their children can't rely on them, their spouse can't rely on them. When they go to work, they go straight to the bar afterwards and they come home stinking drunk and not with two nickels rubber together. Or somebody's a sperm donor that has multiple kids, not taking care of anyone, hoping the government's gonna do it for them. Let's just be real about it. That's the worldly definition of a father. That's not the one that we want to be the premise of this show today. So we're gonna move off into the biblical definition of a father. I think it paints a better picture and gives us something to shoot for that's a little bit uh more honorable, so to speak. But there's a lot of definitions, but some of those are someone who admires and loves their children, a guide, a leader, a giver, a provider. Here's that word again. Even a priest, a teacher and encourager of their children, someone who picks you up when you fall, the hero of your children. Now that's a much better picture, isn't it? Much better picture than a sperm donor or somebody that's just there, plopped on the couch, with a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, not contributing anything to the nuclear family, so to speak. Can you envision it? Sperm donor versus the hero of your children, it's a lot, it's a lot better on that side, isn't it? Being a father is not a simple issue. Not in today's times, with the way that the world is changing, not in the vernacular, even the dictionary, doesn't paint fathers in a great light as we just indicated. There are there's as a matter of fact, there's a lot of examples in the Bible that are not so great of a father. And we'll get into some of those. But hopefully you understand what a father is as we move into this series, Father, Son, and You. I kind of want to just give a little bit of a picture of what how things have been looking for many and how it should be looking. What the goal actually is. Some people just want the goal to be, you know what, I did my part. I came home, brought my check home. There's food, there's a roof over our heads. I did my job. And many people who are fathers that I know thought that was the be all and the end all. They thought that was it. That's the goal. That's what God was pleased with. Yeah, no. There's a lot more than that to being a father, and we're gonna get into it on this episode. Hopefully, we have enough time to hash it out. But let's read some examples of what it looks like to be a father that we've seen in scripture. There's an incident, and I want to give just give you the passages, let you look at those when you have comments or any kind of thoughts. You can drop them in our comments section and we'll go ahead and walk through them a little bit together just for sake of time. But if you look at 2 Samuel the 13th chapter, you see a situation where the son of arguably the greatest king in history, biblical or any other history, committed an uh ungodly act toward his sister, to say the least. Now his father, who is David in this case, arguably the greatest king ever, like I said, he was incensed, very angry, but took no action. It could be speculated, and it has been, that because of David's past and issues that were yet unresolved in his heart, he didn't feel like he could bring judgment in a situation because he hadn't yet judged the situation that he was dealing with himself. So he had unresolved issues, so he couldn't handle that present situation, which is historically what happens to a lot of men. Not so much the specifics of that, but people who have unresolved issues, which means the past, so they can't deal with the present. And then it hinders their what future. That's what happened here. Unresolved issues, which represent the past, hindered him from dealing with the present, which is the right now, and it hindered the future. He was paralyzed in parenting his kids. There's a circumstance in the story of Joseph, one that I share about many times on this show. Genesis 37 is where it starts. Genesis 37. Excuse me. Joseph's father had a love so intense that when he got the word that his son had died, it made life stop. He was literally a dead man walking. Do you have that level of love for your son? Being a father comes with a lot of responsibilities, but it puts you in a place where you are very vulnerable. Because to love on that level leaves you open. You know, I watch a lot of crime dramas, and I don't mean I'm sitting here watching television all day because that's not what I'm doing, but I am a fan of crime dramas, and one of those things that kind of hits you in the heart is when your child goes to school and then they are the s are the subject of a kidnapping, usually with a ransom demand. You've seen that plot played out in television in the movie, you get the gist of it. The feeling and the look on the parents' face, it's like even some of the best actors, they they they can't even get to the place where they fully, fully capture what that looks like. Imagine if you loved your son the same way that Joseph's father loved him in the Bible and they were kidnapped. What's your response? The feeling of helplessness had to be palpable in that in that situation. Because you can't do anything. If you can pay the ransom, that's the most you can do to hopefully get your child back. That kind of love leaves you vulnerable. It leaves you open. It's one of the reasons why I believe some people don't want to love because they don't want to be that vulnerable and that open, that exposed. So if you believe the stories of scripture, if you believe the biblical account of Jesus Christ and his sacrifice on the cross, imagine the father feeling that way about his son who gave everything, was bruised and damaged to the point of being unrecognizable to save a people who weren't even thinking about him. Think about the sacrifice of that in that father and son comparison. And think about it as a son. In Joseph's case in Genesis 37, he was betrayed by his family and abandoned in a pit, left at the mercy of strangers. Just think about that. These are feelings, real feelings that are attached to being a father and a son. We're not gonna be able to escape that part. And I think that as we go into the series, we'll flesh it out a lot more, but you can't escape that part. I'm not telling you to worship your children. I know people that do that, it's not a good look. I'm not saying worship your children because they weren't given to you to be an idol, they were a gift. Think about Samson in the scriptures. Think about Samuel. Samuel's mother couldn't have children, she was barren. And God opened her womb so that Samuel would be born because he was dedicated even before he was born. She gave her only son to the ministry. She gave her only son to the priest so he can grow up in priesthood and to be all that he was called and designated to be. So she didn't have him. She gave him to the service of the ministry. I don't know a lot of folks ever made that kind of sacrifice. The love of a father is deep, it's powerful, it's abiding. And I'm saying this because as a father myself and as somebody who had a father, and you guys may have heard most of the stories about that. If you haven't, check out the first three seasons of our show. There's specific places where we talk about that stuff in great detail. I got a book that I wrote that's no longer in circulation, but it talks a lot about those details. Hopefully, it'll be republished soon. That's my hope and prayer. But I think it's a story that needs to be told. But the idea and the understanding of what a father is supposed to be and the responsibility that comes with it, it's not a joke. It's not a game. It breaks my heart to see a father not standing in his rightful place. It breaks my heart to see a father leave their children. What makes a father leave his son and never come back? It's something that I've never really been able to understand. It has to be something great for you to run away and leave your seed behind. The a smaller example of who you are and who you're gonna become. A mirror image of you. How do you leave yourself behind? It it blows my mind. Look at Luke 15. Verses 11 to 32 talks about the parable of the prodigal son. You guys have heard it so many times, you probably know about heart by now. But this this rich man had two sons, and one of them saw a world so bright and beautiful, they thought they can buy whatever they wanted, whatever their hearts desired. But they ended up in a pig style hopeful for a morsel of food. How quickly fortunes change. But the Bible said that the son came to himself, he recognized his station, he recognized where he was, recognized what he had in his hands, and came back to his father. Now the father didn't have to accept him back, but because of the love of a father, which is forgiving and unconditional, he received him back and restored him to his appropriate position in the household and in the family, back in the lineage and the legacy of that house, of that generational line. Proverbs 10 and 1 says, A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. To the fathers out here that are listening to the show today. Even if you're not a father, I got some friends that are getting ready to be a father. Hear me. Excuse me. Hear me today. I'm not telling you to worship your children. I'm not telling you to make your son or your daughter more important than everything else in your life. I'm not saying for you to do that because there are some priorities, but your your family is definitely your first responsibility, your first ministry. It's the measuring stick for all the things you're gonna do in life. You don't believe me, have a child that is out here showing out and setting the world on fire and just being a terror. It will not look favorable on your household if that happens. No matter how hard you tried, it won't look good. Because that's your first ministry, that's your first responsibility. So it is definitely on a priority scale, super high. Almost as high as you can get underneath God and you and your wife. I'm just saying this to you because there are many out here who have had the honor of knowing their father and never have to worry about what we're talking about today. They've had great relationships with their parents, and they have great relationships with their kids so far. But there are a lot of fathers who are absent and they were in the same house. They've left their sons and they still live in the same house. I definitely love sharing book recommendations, but both by the same author. It's called One is Wild at Heart. Stay with us, we'll be right back. Thanks again for listening to One on One with Mr. You and your inspiration station. I'm really excited about today's episode and a chance to share another compelling story with all of you that I really hope changes your tomorrow. Let's not waste another minute. Let's get into it. Hi, friends, it's Mr. You. Welcome to a very special fan mail episode of our show. Uh, fan mail is super important to me personally because I want to always connect with our viewers and listeners, and a lot of times this will give me a chance to do that. So, fan mail is a way where you can text me directly. The link is in our show notes for every episode that we do. Hopefully, you'll find that either in the beginning or at the end of the show notes, but it's definitely there, and you can send a text to me personally, I will answer those texts in the upcoming fan mail episode. Give you a special shout out, just add the information you want to have to that uh to that text, and I'll shout you out on an upcoming episode. I definitely encourage your support there. This is a show that is still growing, the brand is still growing, and your involvement, your thoughts on topics and episodes mean so much to me personally. So please continue to do that. Please continue to use fan mail to let me know what you think and how a particular particular topic or episode has resonated with you. We look forward to hearing for more of you guys regarding that. We got some friends in Jacksonville, Florida, that send a shout-out to us, 7253, that said everyone should listen to Mr. U. Well, that's really really, really nice and very humbling. We pride ourselves on being the all-purpose pod for an all-purpose life, so we're excited whenever our work here in podcast land resonates with somebody. So thank you again for our friends down in Jacksonville. We know the more friends that have been giving me shout-outs, just haven't been using fan mail, but I encourage that. The links in the show notes. Send me a text, let me know what you think about our show. Happy to shout you out on the upcoming episode. So thanks again for listening. Don't forget the link to fan mail is in the show notes. Look forward to hearing from you guys really soon. Have a great day. Thanks for making us part of your week. Hi, it's Mr. You. Hope you were inspired by what you heard today. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please subscribe on Apple Podcasts and on our YouTube channel, and please leave a comment and a review. This episode was made possible by support of viewers and listeners just like you. Thanks. And that was by John Eldridge. And then the follow-up to that is Father by God. It's almost like a part one and part two. So Wild at Heart and Father by God by John Eldridge. E-L-D-R-E-D-G-E. I would love for you guys to read that. It's going to give you a great picture of what we're talking about in this series. You'll get why I'm emphasizing the love of a father and why it's a big deal and what it looks like when the son doesn't have that love and when they do have it, the contrasting differences there. To those of you guys that have such an honor to know your father, don't turn your hearts off when listening to this episode, please. Like I said, sometimes we can leave our sons and we're still in the same house and don't realize that we have abandoned them and we're still there. We're emotionally absent. It affects the child in very damaging, long-lasting ways. You know, like I said before, what makes the father leave his son and never come back? Some of those stories that I just shared the accounts of from scripture from 2 Samuel 13 and Genesis 37 and Luke 15, they've all have gone different ways. But in one of those instances, the father was present. He was the king, he was right there. But two of his sons felt like he was not even there. He wouldn't address them, he wouldn't deal with them, he wouldn't even correct them for the things that they'd done wrong, the things that they said against the kingdom. It hurt them more that he ignored them than if he had corrected them. That's how you can be there and be present, but not be engaged. What makes a father leave his son and never come back? That was normal in the hood where I came from, where I grew up. That was normal. That was regular. We used to call that Friday. For real. But what I want to do is try to encourage you guys. And I think in this, I want you to understand something before we get into this and before we close the episode out for today as we move through this incredible series about sonship and fatherhood. I know that many of you that are listening probably have great relationships with your fathers, grandfathers, great-grandfathers. You probably have an incredible lineage, an incredible line of strong men, educated men that are doing great things in the community. Pillars, man. They just got a bad word to say about them. They're great examples for your children and for your great grandchildren, for your great children, your grandchildren, and your great-grandchildren. So they got a powerful lens there. What I'm saying to you is meant with all love and respect. Even in that situation, in that circumstance, even in that. What I say to you is this the model of a father for you, it should not only just be your father only, and not it shouldn't be an absolute. It shouldn't just be your father, and that's it. Whatever your father did, that's what you do. Whatever your father didn't do, that's what you don't do. And it's absolutely, he's the role model and the only one, and that's it. I'm telling you that I don't believe that's true. Excuse me. I don't believe that's true. I'm not saying that your father and your grandfather are the only ones to whom you should look up to and follow their example. I'm saying that that's not true. That should not be the case. But what I tell you today, like I've said on most of the episodes throughout They Call Me Miss You the Podcast, and all the four seasons that we've been doing this show, I say to you that the model, the true model, the only model that is infallible, that is perfect, that is indisputable, is God Himself, the creator. As we're the creation, he's the creator, he's the model of father. He's the one I leaned on when my father was no longer available to me. He's the model. I'm not saying your dad's not awesome. Your grandpa might be a baller, but what I'm saying is that God is the model. That's what we should be following. Have you ever heard the Lord's Prayer? How does it start? Our Father, which are in heaven, hallowed be thy name. He's the model. Jesus was teaching his disciples how to pray, and that's what he gave them. Excuse me. He gave them that model on how to pray. Because that's the model. The father is the model. Everything else lines over that. It's a duplication of that. So as a father, that should be a duplication of the father. Not just your father. I can't even duplicate what my father did. That wouldn't be good for me and my children and my children's children because some things weren't done well. Some things weren't great. They weren't perfect. But the one thing you can trust is that God is perfect. What you can trust is that that model is without fail. It's worked for generations and centuries and is still working today. I want to give you a few passages of scripture just as an encouragement as we close out this installment of this series. Matthew 7, 9 through 11. The Father gives. Proverbs 17 and 6. The Father takes pride in you, his children. 3rd John 1 and 4. You are the joy of the Father. Luke 15 and 20. The Father saw him and was filled with compassion. Deuteronomy 1 29 and 31. The Father carried you all the way here. Those are examples of the Father's love duplicated throughout generations. This wasn't about sperm donors. This was about men who are guides, leaders, providers. Priests in their own household, teachers, encouragers. They were community members. They were leaders in their neighborhood. They were leaders in their nation. They were admired and loved, and they were givers. We're supposed to be the model of the original. It was done before, so we carry on a legacy. We do what was done and we reproduce it. The kingdom value of a father is supposed to be for the children. Do you see yourself as having value? Your father might be not, might not be the one to give you the sense of value. Maybe they don't even know themselves. If they do, maybe it's limited. But here's the caveat. Here's the part that I can't leave out. The only way that we can be able to produce on this level as a father, to be fully functional, productive, and effective as a father, we gotta stay connected to the father. There's nothing they can do to be great enough. Maybe in your eyes, but not great enough in the larger scale of things. So who's gonna win in this deat match? The kingdom definition of a father? Or that worldly definition of a father? Who wins in this deat match? The sperm donor or those that are in relationship in a house, in a position, or the guide, the leader, the provider, the encourager, the priest, the one loved and admired. I really hope you made the right choice there and picked the right answer. Wherever you are and however you're listening to the Call Me Mr. You, the podcast, and this series, Father, Son, and You, we thank you again for making us a part of your morning, your day, and your week with your weekly mirror check before you change the world. Thank you again for joining us. We appreciate you guys. Check out show notes for all the links to our social media and how you can support us and where you can find our YouTube channel and your podcast listening options. Thank you again. Please hear everything we said in this episode and take it to heart. Love to hear your thoughts. Enjoy the music. Coach out